Here Are 5 Things You Can Do About It!
It’s common to see that when you strive extremely hard for something and don’t get what you desire, it feels bad – bad enough for depression to set in.
Here are the typical things that are experienced as a result of not getting what you want at work:
Set a goal, they say. When you reach it, it will increase your sense of achievement and satisfaction. However, I know that there are many people who feel differently. You might just be one of them. Your experience leads you down a spiral of bad feelings and horrible emotions. Your expectations appear so high that it becomes impossible to ever reach the top. Instead, the other guy who is less professional and more of the ‘bum’ climbs over you and takes that juicy manager’s position before you do.
With the hard work, you cry out ‘it’s not fair!’
Well, it has never really been fair anyway. The worse part about this is that you end up in a puddle of disappointment and leave yourself there.
After the disappointment, cynicism creeps in. Management tells you to do something and you drag your feet. Why? Because they aren’t trustworthy. They passed you, a more capable worker, up for a promotion and got someone else less competent to do the job. You hate them.
The sense of disillusionment also has hints of apathy. Such experiences can lead someone down the path toward severe depression, especially when they start looking at the world out from these dark and dreary glasses.
When you are bogged down with experiences of the past, filtering out possibilities, there will be a tendency to stay that way.
This phase is a much deeper level of cynicism. The depth of the disillusionment here can be felt if you tend to turn away suggestions, give snide cynical remarks to positive things happening and so on. If you find yourself in this phase, you will probably need to learn how to climb out of it.
The last thing oyu want to happen to you is to have your manager or supervisor hear your negativity, and another black mark gets into your dossier.
So we lift our arms in discouragement. What can we do about it? They are in charge, not us. Well, that’s not entirely true. We are in charge, and it is possible for us to begin to change ourselves more effectively.
At this point, if you find yourself being cynical, it’s time for you to pinch yourself so hard, you might bleed. It’s time for you to get out of the mess you are in and begin the climb. Falling off the corporate ladder can be a painful experience, but at the same time, you’re just a little more seasoned than the other people around you. Now, you can have the time to yourself to learn and grow and use your experience as a stepping stone to higher ground.
Create positive energy.
Positive energy comes from your own body. If you have energy that resembles a sloth, you’re in for low energy. High-impact personalities such as Anthony Robbins, Adam Khoo and other motivational speakers tend to have much higher energy patterns. This is because they know how to use their body and tone of voice to create that energy.
You can do this too! First of all, manage your breathing patterns. Project in front of you a positive ball of energy and fill it with good memories and positive imaginings. Take a step into this ball of energy and absorb the essence of that energy.
If you consistently do this, you will find that you are going to be much more positive than before. You literally hardwire yourself for success!
Condition yourself for positive thoughts.
Most people think that you need about 21 days to turn everything you learn into a habit, using those 21 days to practice. Interestingly, you will find that this need not be the case. All you really need to do is to get involved (possibly obsessed) with the idea that positive thoughts could give you a lot more than negative thoughts.
By having positive thinking, you literally detoxify your mental processes. It’s almost like mental cleansing. The conditioning process, however requires you to do a number of things.
First, you have to make it consistent to a point where you are able to remind yourself to do it everyday. Nowadays, there is a great way to do this – screensavers. A powerful screensaver, especially when you are in the office, can help you to be more motivated and remind you to be a lot more positive during the day. You could also do this by simply drawing or buying a poster that you stick in your room every day. You probably can find a large host of such motivational posters here.
Second, you have to spend some time with yourself and pay attention to what it is you learnt. This is one of the reasons why it is so important for you to learn to process your feelings. Finding avenues for expression will most certainly help you to be much more effective in handling your emotions. When you sit down and do a moment of reflection, you have to ask yourself the right questions. What emotions did I experience today? Can I name them? How would I describe them? What did I learn about myself today? What can I improve on in the development of my emotions?
Reframe your thoughts so you can be self-empowered.
Reframing is a process of really changing your perspective. If you encounter something negative, you should be able to look at the situation in a more empowering fashion.
If your boss comes up to you and fires you, you should be able to look at it from a positive perspective – perhaps now it is the right time for you to start that business you always wanted.
If your colleague shouted at you for something you said, look at it in the context that at least you got honest feedback and your colleague wants you to change.
Whatever the case, there are a number of ways to look at any situation. Your response is the most critical – if you choose to reframe everything negatively, you will end up with a lot more negative feelings of depression.
Instead, take a look at the benefits of the problem you have. Your colleague shouted at you, gives you a chance to change and is probably far better than if your boss shouted at you!
Example: “You never let me handle big projects. You are so selfish!”
Possible Responses I’m glad you are honest enough to tell me this
Thank you for being willing to share with me my weaknesses so I can improve
I’m selfish because I want to protect you from the hidden dangers you are not experienced with.
Do this exercise List all the problems or verbal attacks you might have on a day-to-day basis.
Think of ways to reframe the experience using phrases like
“That’s good. That only means that…”
“I agree… because… and that only means that…”
Mix around people with the similar patterns of thinking.
We know that our environment affects us. Sometimes, it is about changing the environment which we are in. By moving out of the environment that is supporting your weaknesses, you may grow faster. In reality, changing your environment may only be a short term thing if you don’t know what you are changing for.
I recommend that you begin a search for like-minded people. Napoleon Hill calls this a master mind group, and you can use your group for support as well as to focus on directed goals. This takes a bit of discipline, and a whole lot more commitment. But this has worked, and I’ve seen a great deal of synergy created as a result of this.
Find out your purpose for living.
For many people, the purpose of their life has lived itself out. Most of you may not even be aware of what you are about. Obviously, this is a major problem because it does not give you any drive. A loss of meaning in life can create very depressed individuals who just are unmotivated because there is nothing to do.
Purpose can only be found in experiences. Sometimes you see a natural disaster and you lend a helping hand. You read an article and you are spurred to write back. Or you start a blog where people write in and thank you for a good job done.
Find your purpose. Look at your talents and what you like to do that gets you to lose time. When you are in the ‘flow’ state, you enjoy your moments much more!
Finale – Don’t Just Do Unto Yourself!
My parting recommendation is that you should look to others and ask how you can help them. It is a fundamental skill that most people are unfamiliar with. They keep asking ‘what’s in it for me?’
Instead, I decided that the fastest way to success is to help others become more committed to that success on a daily basis through assistance. By helping people to reach their goals, you too can reach your goals. At least, you make more friends and this can reduce the reoccurrence of depression and sadness in your life.
Live by a mission to help people, and you find that your career will soar. Sure, there will be disappointments. But these disappointments will only serve to make you wiser and help you to trust people more. This unique quality about you will alone set you apart from most other people, and win you more friends and allies who can see you to the next level!